Reducing Emotional Reactivity
What is Emotional Reactivity?
Emotional reactivity is when intense emotions are triggered by an external event resulting in an impulsive reaction, like lashing out or doing or saying something you later regret.
In that moment, our perceptions of the situation are often altered, and our emotions and defenses are driving our behaviors. Those intense emotions prevent us from seeing the situation for what it is, and we react.
So, what can we do about it? Here are a few tips to try when you feel yourself becoming reactive:
Practice Mindfulness:
Be aware of how you’re responding emotionally and physically. Your physical symptoms can even be clues to what you’re experiencing emotionally. Tuning into what’s happening physically can also distract you and help lower the intensity of your emotions. Learn to recognize your triggers and your emotional and physical reactions so you can get better at taking actions to help you respond vs. react.
Identify what you’re feeling:
There’s evidence that shows that naming the emotion you’re feeling can activate certain parts of your brain that helps you cope with those feelings.
Sometimes the most challenging part of naming your emotions can be developing a vocabulary of emotion words to describe what you’re feeling. When you don’t have the words to describe your emotions it makes it hard for you and people, you’re interacting with to fully understand your experience. When you feel heard and understood you begin to feel calm and safe.
Try downloading this Feelings Wheel and Needs Chart to help you identify and share your emotions.
Identify Triggers:
As you get better at identifying what’s happening in the moment and labeling your feelings, you can start to identify your triggers. Next time you feel yourself becoming emotional, anxious, angry, take a moment to identify what triggered you. What was the exact thing that caused you to react? Once you identify this, you can start exploring why it triggers you and begin to reduce the effect it has on you.
Actively Listen:
Most of the time, we’re not really listening. We’re thinking about what we want to say in response to what we think the other person is saying. When we slow down and practice active listening, we often learn they’re saying something completely different.
To make sure you understood correctly, repeat back to them what you believe was said so they can confirm or clarify. This can help reduce misunderstandings that can lead to unnecessary emotional reactions.
Don’t make assumptions
In the absence of information, we often fill in the blanks with our own details and assume we know what other people meant or intended without actually asking them or considering other possibilities. Before you assume, yourself and/or others questions. For example: Your friend hasn’t reached out in a while and you start thinking it’s because they don’t care about you anymore. Try identifying other possibilities instead. Could they be busy or sick? Can you try reaching out to them and asking if they’re, ok?
Breathe
Taking a deep breath is one of the most effective ways to calm yourself down. Deep, slow breathing promotes slow, even oxygen flow through your body and helps produce endorphins (“happy chemicals”).
It also allows more time for signals coming into your brain to filter up into consciousness, rather than triggering automatic/reactive responses
Breathe into your stomach (not your chest) for 3 seconds, hold for 3 seconds, and then release your breath for 3 seconds. During your deep breathing, consider the best way to respond to the situation.
Take a break
When you start to feel emotional, acknowledge it and remind yourself to take a break. If you’re with someone, let them know you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a few minutes to calm down and think. Make sure they know you’ll come back to finish the conversation and try giving a time estimate. This can help you avoid saying something you might regret and gives you a chance to calm down.
Respond don’t react
In most situations, we have a choice about how to respond. Next time you feel triggered, recognize that you get to choose how you want to respond. That recognition is powerful. Try using the above tips so you can choose a different response. Explaining to someone as calmly as possible that they’ve done something to hurt you gives you a much greater chance of being heard and understood than if you become reactive.
Remember this quote by Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Don’t give up!
Emotional reactivity can sometimes seem like a whirlwind of emotion that can be hard to control but you can learn to choose your response vs. reacting. Start with the tips above and then try expanding on them.
As you start to identify your triggers and what happens inside your mind and body when you encounter them, take a moment to write down what happens after each time you react. Later, look back at what you wrote and try to find the deeper issues that triggered you. After 30 days look for similarities and try to categorize what triggers you’re the most and come up with a plan of action for the next time you start feeling triggered.
For example, if you notice that you often become angry when you’re feeling rushed, try planning to leave earlier then you need to. This can reduce your reaction to traffic or people who slow you down along the way.
Do you have a difficult time being present? Try increasing your mindfulness skills by downloading a meditation app. Here are some free ones. Practice deep breathing, actively listening and communicating your needs and feelings when you’re calm.
Speaking to a therapist can also help you increase your self-awareness and to develop effective strategies for regulating your emotions and responses.
The team at Serenity can also help increase your emotional regulation. Give us a call at 610-446-1861 or fill our our intake form for more information.
